


Love me, Love me (so much that it's maddening)

by Cypress_Dream



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: (spoiler: its going to be mondo), Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Awkward Conversations, Cliche, Cuddling & Snuggling, Denial, Denial of Feelings, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Everyone Thinks They're Together, Existential Angst, Feelings Realization, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hugs, Hurt Ishimaru Kiyotaka, Hurt/Comfort, If You Squint - Freeform, Internalized Homophobia, Isolation, Kinda, Loneliness, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Owada Daiya Lives, Owada Mondo Swears, POV Third Person Limited, Panic Attacks, Platonic Cuddling, Pre-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), References to bullying, Sauna, Self-Denial, Sharing a Bed, They/Them Pronouns for Fujisaki Chihiro, Touch-Starved, Working Out My Feelings Through Fic, alot, in the closet (literally), its more like rivals to friends to lovers, just a smidge, kinda? its vague, kyouko is a queen, length: approx 10k, literally all the hugs, someone give Kiyotaka a HUG, the rest of the gang is there but its like all background, this is melodramatic as hell, this is ninety percent me self-projecting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 04:14:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29094042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cypress_Dream/pseuds/Cypress_Dream
Summary: Kiyotaka taught himself not to care. It's not as if he thought about touching people every second of every day, or fixated how long it had been since he received a hug. He learned to not give it a second thought, and cope with the full body ache coming from his chest. He told himself he didn't need to touch others, that he didn't like touch, and it worked.Almost.------------A touch-starved flavored Ishimondo fic
Relationships: Ishimaru Kiyotaka/Oowada Mondo
Comments: 27
Kudos: 286





	1. Hey, hey, aren’t I a good kid?....Hey, hey, I’m good, right?

**Author's Note:**

> -Title and chapter titles are named after the song [Love me love me love me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NTrm_idbhUk) by Kikuo. Yes, I'm writing fic based off of a vocaloid song in 2021. Who are you to stop me?  
> -Here's my [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/van-goghs-cypress)

The thing is, Kiyotaka Ishimaru was not raised to be a very touchy feely person.

One would think, with his positive demeanor and friendly aura, that he would be entirely tactile. The kind of person that would give a friendly handshake or pat on the back without a second thought. But, Kiyotaka wasn't entirely raised with much thought given to touching others. His father was distant at best, never offering him any kind of supportive touches. His mother less so, offering him comfort every now and then, but she still did not touch her son with enough repetition for him to be used to it. Everytime Kiyotaka had a gentle hand pressed on his shoulders, it was usually because it was trying to soften the blow of the bad news yet to come.

_ I’m sorry honey, but I don't think we can afford it. _

_ Kiyotaka, we have to move away. I’m sorry dear. _

_ Son, I expected better out of you. _

So, Kiyotaka learned to adapt. He learned that touch was done only when necessary, and so he strived to touch others as less as possible. Besides, all of those years without touches from his parents had left him often floundering when it came to his peers. Whenever a fellow classmate tapped him on the shoulder or slung an arm around him, he didn't know how to react. Didn't know where to put his hands, or even if he should. What was appropriate? What kinds of touches went too far? It’s like they were using an entirely different language, and it went ovr Kiyotaka’s head. The whole process entirely confused him, so it gave him another reason to shrug off touches of any kind. Hugs instead turned into handshakes. Fist bumps turned into waves. 

And Kiyotaka taught himself not to care. It's not as if he thought about it every second of every day, or fixated how long it had been since he received a hug. He learned to not give it a second thought, and cope with the full body ache coming from his chest. He told himself he didn't need to touch others, that he didn't like touch, and it worked.

Almost.

Everyone at his school soon learned about his reversion to touch and complied, even without Kiyotaka meeting them beforehand. Classmates would stop their movement midway, handshakes falling away or touches abandoned in their approach.  _ Don't touch Kiyotaka, he doesn't like it. _ Students would remark. And Kiyotaka didn't do much to squash the behavior. Hugging, holding hands, or heaven forbid  _ kissing _ , was inappropriate for a school environment after all. So it truly didn't bother Kiyotaka whenever his peers made half-aborted gestures of touch in his direction. When he saw others embrace in full hugs near him, he would immediately draw upon his moral compass duties and separate them. Nevermind how Kiyotaka would hesitate when he saw them, looking at two classmates with fingers intertwined. He would wait a moment, staring at the two embracing, and feel an enormous emptiness fill him up until he could barely stand it. Then, he would separate them, lecture the two about public decency in a school environment, and move on. Ignoring the empty hole in his chest until it eventually went away.

And it's not as though Kiyotaka hated being touched, it was just oftentimes too much for him to handle. Every single touch felt branded onto his skin for hours afterwards, his skin singing in the aftermath. Prolonged contact with anyone left Kiyotaka shying away, his mind screaming at him that something bad was going to happen to him if he kept touching someone, if he let the years of loneliness finally catch up to him.

It often got so bad, that even when bullies hounded him, or punched him, he found himself craving the contact. The bright burst of pain brought on by a punch to the gut or a smack to the face became the only touch he often received in an entire year. Kiyotaka learned to associate the two by pavlovian conditioning, and it drew him further and further away from human contact with his peers and adults. 

So, Kiyotaka didn't touch people. And most of the student body in his middle school accepted that fact, and worked around him. Sure, it left him even more lonely than he already was, but soon Kiyotaka was able to tune out the loneliness fairly well. He would study until he could barely see, work out, read, do anything until the feelings of overwhelming loneliness eventually passed.

At Hope's Peak, Kiyotaka expected the student body to come to learn this about him as well. The first few weeks would be a bit strange, but they would soon learn. 

Learn that Kiyotaka couldn't tolerate touch.

Learn that Kiyotaka didn't deserve that kind of reassurance or support. 

Learn that Kiyotaka was functionally broken.

And in the beginning, most of his classmates did. Kiyotaka would step away from the grasping hands, and they listened. He didn't receive any lasting form of touch his entire freshmen year. 

And it probably would have stayed that way. At least, it would have, if not for Mondo Oowada.

* * *

Right away, the two got on each other's nerves as soon as they saw each other.

They were complete opposites, coming from totally different backgrounds and lives. Mondo would do anything in his power to annoy Kiyotaka, for what seemed like no reason. Petty vandalism, improper uniform attire, perpetual tardiness, incessant cursing. And Kiyotaka was just as annoying to Mondo in turn. He made a point to annoy the biker as much as possible, handing him detention slip after detention slip, but it was like nothing fazed him. He was a stone wall, who made it his own personal mission to be as much of a delinquent as possible and get directly on Kiyotaka's nerves.

Eventually, it all came to a head when Mondo decided to poke Kiyotaka from behind during lessons. Constantly.

The biker had been assigned the seat behind him, and he was a bit large for the small frame of the desks, so it was inevitable he would be brushing up against the ultimate moral compass from time to time. But Mondo went the extra mile, going out of his way to poke and prod at the Ultimate Moral Compass in front of him as much as possible. During breaks, or whenever Mondo was bored, he would poke at the man in front of him with his finger, a shark toothed smile on his face.

And it drove Kiyotaka up the wall.

He would be in the lesson, trying his best to concentrate, when he would feel a huff of air from behind him, warm breath ghosting over his neck. Kiyotaka would shiver, and be unable to think properly for the rest of the lesson. Or sometimes, he would lean his head back, and the back of his head would bump Mondo's ridiculous pompador. Mondo would raise up a fuss every single time, as if it was _Kiyotaka's_ fault his hair was so enormous. Another time, Mondo shifted in the desk, and his knee brushed against Kiyotaka’s lower back. Kiyotaka flinched from the contact, and Mondo simply uttered a small apology. Kiyotaka couldn't stop feeling the touch on him everytime he sat in the seat afterwards, ~~hoping~~ wondering if it would happen again.

Midway through the second week of sophomore year was finally the moment Kiyotaka simply couldn't take it any longer. He was sitting in his seat, and as soon as a break was called, Mondo began poking at him. Kiyotaka seethed internally, then whirled around and scowled at the man behind him. His day was already not going great, and the last thing he needed was Mondo poking him and bothering him every ten seconds.

“Would you please stop!” He hissed, making eye contact with him. “What is your problem?”

Mondo simply shrugged. “Sorry. It's just funny.”

“How on earth is poking me like that  _ funny _ !” 

“It's _ funny _ ‘cause ya get so riled up over it.” Mondo gave a carefree smile as Kiyotaka’s face burned red with embarrassment. Kiyotaka stood up in his seat, gaining a bit of leverage on the taller student. This was the last straw. 

“Oowata! I simply cannot concentrate with you sitting behind me!” 

“Oh yeah? What the hell does that have to do with me?” Mondo’s eyes hardened. 

“It has everything to do with you!” Kiyotaka asserted. “You keep distracting me with your...incessant poking! You simply have to switch seats!”

“Fat chance.” Mondo said. “This seat’s gotta good view out the window. I’m not moving for nothin'.”

“Well! I am not moving either! This is the seat I was assigned, and I will not move simply because of your petty threats and your...poking.” Kiyotaka’s volume had raised considerably, getting closer to the delinquents face. "You either need to move, or stop being so obnoxious!"

"You callin' me obnoxious? Fuckin' Hypocrite." Mondo’s face suddenly turned grave, and he stood up out of his seat as well, pushing Kiyotaka out of his face. “I say, we settle this like men. Lets throw down, and we’ll do whatever the winner asks. How ‘bout it? Or are you too chickenshit to fight me?”

“Hmph! I accept your challenge!” The two were full on screaming now, standing up out of their chairs and drawing the entire class's attention.

Mondo gave a glare to the other man, a cocky smile spreading across his face. “The bathhouse on the first floor, with the sauna. Whoever can last the longest inside gets to their way. ”

“Oh, a simple endurance contest then?” Kiyotaka matched the malicious smile with one of his own. “You’re on!”

“Meet me there at nine o’clock sharp, motherfucker. Don't be fuckin' late.” 

“Boys? Are you done?”

The teacher walked into the room, causing both of the boys to flush in embarrassment. They mumbled apologies, and sat back down into their seats. Kiyotaka sighed, blushing from fury and adrenaline. He made a vow, staring at his hands frozen into fists laying on the desk, that he would be the one to come out on top.  _ I’ll finally get him to stop distracting me once and for all! _

* * *

They ~~coerced~~ brought Naegi in as an unbiased party, and began that evening as soon as the clock struck nine. Since they had started so late, no one else was in the sauna besides the two of them, with Naegi being unable to stand the heat and going out to stand in the hallway. The two men both sat there, trading jibes and insults at each other, bragging about being able to go on for longer, for an entire hour until a lull of silence took over the two of them.

Secretly, Kiyotaka was pretty impressed with Mondo, since he had already lasted so long in the sauna, with his jacket on no less. Kiyotaka was already starting to feel the consequences of the competition, the heat becoming almost unbearable. The warmness that pressed around him was nice at first, but the longer the two sat there, the more uncomfortable Kiyotaka became. He felt the individual sweat beads coming off of his body and winced, debating with himself on whether or not to give up the competition or not. He pondered it for just a moment before shaking the thought away, unwilling to lose.  _ I  _ can’t  _ have Mondo sitting behind me anymore, its way too distracting! If I can just win this competition, then... _

Mondo’s voice suddenly cut through the silence. “...Is it really such a big problem for you?”

“Huh?” Kiyotaka asked, shocked out of his thoughts. He looked over at Mondo, and his face looked almost solom. “What do you mean?”

“Me sitting behind you. Is it really so fuckin’ annoying that you’d be willing to go through all this just to get me to move?”

“I...well.” Kiyotaka hesitated, not wanting to be necessarily cruel to fellow classmate, even after all that Mondo had put him through. “There is a problem but. It's not so much with you as its….with me.”

“Pff. You sound like an ex of mine. ‘It’s not you it's me, I promise!’” Mondo parroted in a sarcastic tone, that same shark-toothed smile returning to his face. “What exactly is this ‘thing’ with you then?”

“Mm. Well. It's just.” Kiyotaka let out a deep breath. He hadn't exactly told anyone about his reversion to touch, people just mostly came to that conclusion on their own.  _ I suppose a white lie can’t hurt, _ Kiyotaka rationalized. “When you...Whenever  _ people _ touch me, it. It kinda...makes me... uncomfortable.”  _ Not exactly a lie, then, but...not the truth either. _

“Woah, no shit?” Mondo looked him over and raised an eyebrow. “If I’d known _that_ , I wouldn't have poked ya! I mean, it always seemed like you  _ liked  _ yellin’ at me, so I figured it’d be a two way street, annoying the shit out of each other.” 

Kiyotaka blushed and looked away. “Well, it's not as though I don't enjoy our rivalry sometimes!” Kiyotaka thought aloud. “I just...don't particularly enjoy being touched a lot. That's all.”

Mondo shook his head, looking fairly regretful. “Shit man, I’m fuckin' sorry dude, Ya shoulda told me!”

“It's fine! Really!” Kiyotaka reassured him, thankful and surprised he actually got an  _ apology _ from _ Mondo. _ “I suppose...you don't  _ have  _ to move seats, really, it's just. As long as you...don't touch me as much...then we’re good.”

“Huh. Alrighty then. No prob.” Mondo looked him up and down. “Again, I’m uh. Sorry you were so uncomfortable with it. But...hm.”

“What is it?”

“I guess I just….I dunno, I just don't get it.”

“What do you _ not _ get?”

“Why you don't like bein’ touched. I mean, I know _ I  _ couldn't live like that. Me and my bro, ah, my gang, we...we hug the shit out of each other all the fuckin’ time.”

“Really?”

“Hell yeah! A lot of people in the Crazy Diamonds, their family lives…” Mondo sighed and looked off in the distance. “Aren't so great. So, we dish out hugs a lot of the time. Give ‘em the ones they never got, if that makes any sense.” Mondo blushed even harder, turning an even darker shade of red. “And like, I geddit, okay, I  _ know _ it's not a really  _ masculine thing _ , and I’ll  _ kill  _ you if you tell the rest of our class about this, but…” Mondo lets out a deep sigh. “I dunno man. All I know is that it feels....ugh, It feels nice dammit!” Mondo huffed, looking a bit tetchy. “So. I don't get why you’re not into them.”

Kiyotaka felt himself stunned into silence. He pondered over what to say for a moment, the silence of the sauna being interrupted with the dripping of water from somewhere nearby. Kiyotaka swallowed and took in a breath to speak.

“I...I suppose since you told me a secret, I’ll tell you one of mine.” Kiyotaka began. “...touches _ do _ make me uncomfortable but...it's only because I’m not really used to it.” Kiyotaka looked down, unwilling to make eye contact. “I’ve never had anyone...hug me. Like that. At least, not in a really long time.”

“Really? Holy shit dude, that sucks.” Kiyotaka raised his head to look back at Mondo. He slowly raised his hand, taking Kiyotaka by surprise. “Is it cool if I...right now?”

“Wh-why?!”

“Because that was some sad shit you just said, bro. And, maybe…” Mondo looked away, turning an even darker shade of red. “I could help you get used to it?”

Kiyotaka stared at Mondo’s outstretched hand for a moment, before hesitantly nodding. _Maybe it_ will _actually help me get over this weird hang-up,_ Kiyotaka thought, throwing caution to the wind. Mondo gives a small smile once Kiyotaka nods, and moves in closer. He puts an arm around Kiyotaka, his black jacket feeling like fire on Kiyotaka’s bare chest. Kiyotaka flinches, but Mondo doesn't pull away. He leans on Kiyotaka’s side, his arm going around Kiyotaka’s shoulders and his hand landing on Kiyotaka’s bicep. 

“You doin’ okay?” Mondo asked, his face much closer to Kiyotaka then it was before. 

“I…” Was he? Was he okay? He felt his head growing foggy, his entire focus drilled onto the arm surrounding him. It felt like a brand, and it did hurt more than usual, mostly due to the hot temperature of the sauna. He was suddenly struck with an immense feeling of utter shame and embarrassment. If anyone walked in, if _Neagi_ walked in, they would see the two of them like... _ this _ . If word got out, if people knew, if someone saw-

Kiyotaka pulled away abruptly, reeling. “I-I’m sorry, It’s just-”

“Too much?” Mondo didn't look like he was judging Kiyotaka. He had an open expression on his face. “It's cool. We can work on it. That is...if you want? I don't wanna make you uncomfortable.”

Kiyotaka stared at the other boy, trying to get his mind away from the ghostly warmth of the arm still around his shoulders. After a brief pause, he cleared his throat. “I. If you want to. I...I do need to get over this, eventually. B ut...only if you’re comfortable with it as well.”  _ I can't be the prime minister if I flinch from every touch,  _ Kiyotaka thought.  _ Maybe Mondo _ can  _ actually help me get over this _

Mondo smiled wide and stood up. “Alright. So, if you got no problem with me sittin’ behind ya, and I got no problem with you, then why are we still sittin’ here?”

Kiyotaka gave a hesitant smile back. “I suppose when you put it that way, staying here is...kind of stupid.” He looked Mondo in the eyes and hesitantly offered his own hand, his every instinct screaming to put it down. “Truce?”

It was worth keeping his hand up, because Mondo gave him a blinding smile in response. He gently grabbed Kiyotaka’s hand and firmly shook it. Kiyotaka felt his knees weaken as Mondo’s fingers brushed over his own.

“Truce.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -hello and welcome to hell. Glad to see you’re all here with me  
> -this fic was born bc I spent a literally month stalking through the touch starved fic tag and felt it was necessary to add my own fic to the pile. So it’s prob similar to a lot of those other fics that inspired me, but dammit the tropes are too good, I had to use em.  
> -you can also blame 50% of this fics existence on the Game Grumps, bc they’re the reason I actually got into the series. Tiktok did the other 50%  
> -also YET AGAIN I am writing fanfiction as a replacement for therapy. This entire thing is just HEAVY self-projection. Just really gettin my issues out there. Listen, therapy is expensive, but writing borderline self-insert fics abt ur issues is FREE.  
> -I really hope no ones out of character here, bc that’s like my biggest insecurity when I write fic lol.


	2. “I want people, I want people,” it cried, this cursed necklace.

After the sauna incident, and to Mondo’s word, he got much more touchy around Kiyotaka. 

The two were now soul-brothers, kyoudai, and Kiyotaka felt entirely lucky that he finally managed to make a friend after his years of being unsuccessful at it. He actually had people to sit with lunch with now, someone to talk to on more than just a peer-to-peer basis. It was a bit overwhelming at times, but Kiyotaka was growing more and more used to the company.

He was also, bit by bit, getting used to the touches Mondo would give him. It was never to the point others would notice it as being...too much. It was just...little things. High fives, shoulder embraces, a hand on his arm. Kiyotaka started to memorize all of the places Mondo would touch him, their ghostly after images burning on his skin. The only real thing that slightly bothered Kiyotaka was that Mondo never hugged him, not since the half-hug that had happened in the sauna. Kiyotaka figured he would have to work up to the hug eventually, but as for now, the constant touching from Mondo was actually...not all that bad. 

He thought all his life that touch wasn't that important, that he could survive without it. And a part of Kiyotaka still thought that way. But when Mondo would lean onto him during lunch, snaking his hand over to try and steal a fry off of his lunch tray, Kiyotaka couldn't help but smile and try his best to lean into it, to reciprocate. The touches ramped up in their frequency over time, and soon the touch of Mondo’s rough hands became familiar. 

When Mondo would grab onto his hand, urging them forward so they would be late to class, Kiyotaka almost wished it couldn’t end. That they could stay holding hands forever. It's only when the touches would last longer then really acceptable that Kiyotaka would worry. Worry about the expectations of his classmates, his teachers. What he would do if someone found out how much he craved Mondo’s touch. Wonder what  _ Mondo  _ would do if he found out how much Kiyotaka missed his touches when they were gone. The anxieties would pile up, going further and further until they became unbearable and Kiyotaka had to pull away. Mondo would always look a bit disappointed when Kiyotaka did pull away, but he didn't say anything, quickly moving on to other subjects as if not wanting to draw attention to it. Something Kiyotaka appreciated more than words could ever express. 

As the days wore on, the two became even closer. Mondo’s friends soon became Kiyotakas friends, as they would hang out as a group more often. Chihiro, Leon and Yasuhiro would often join them at lunch, and Kiyotaka actually felt like he was a part of a friend group for once, instead of just being involved out of pity. 

_ I owe him so much,  _ Kiyotaka would think, staring at Mondo during lunch one day, casually ranting to Leon about some show Kiyotaka didn't watch.  _ I don't think I could ever tell him how much I do owe him.  _

And if Kiyotaka started to develop a little bit more...intense feelings towards his kyoudai...well. He could tune that out too. Just like he tuned out everything. He was an Ishimaru after all. An Ishimaru can't afford to make mistakes, to look vulnerable.

* * *

Eventually, just like all things Kiyotaka tried to shove away, it came to a head.

Him and Mondo were sitting on the bed in Chihiro’s dorm, on a saturday night at some point during the middle of the year, in the dead of winter. It was late, obscenely late, later than Kiyotaka had ever stayed up before. But since there wasn't class tomorrow, he couldn't find it within himself to go to bed just yet, reassuring himself he could sleep in tomorrow. The mario-kart game they’d all been playing during the evening had been long since abandoned, the controllers strewn across the bed. The bright colors of the screen were the only light source, casting the entire room in an otherworldly glow. Chihiro had stepped out for a moment, headed to the bathroom to change into pajamas, and then it was just the two of them, sitting on Chihiro’s bed, leaning up against the headboard. 

Kiyotaka gave a long stare towards Mondo. With the light from the tv, he looked almost...ethereal. His hair was down for once, and Kiyotaka couldn't stop staring at it for most of the entire night. Which unfortunately, led to a lot of losses in Mario Kart, but he never cared that much about winning anyway. He only wanted to play to see the excitement and carefree expression on Mondo’s face whenever he managed to win. (Which was pretty rare to see, considering they were both playing against Chihiro, who was  _ brutal  _ at the game.) 

Mondo was currently messing around on his phone, scrolling silently, seemingly too tired to talk. The lull of conversation somehow felt comfortable to Kiyotaka. Before, he had always felt the need to talk to fill any silence, to get others to listen, to get them to like him, but with Mondo... he felt like he didn't need to. 

Mondo’s skin practically radiated warmth, and even though they weren touching just yet, Kiyotaka felt like he was being dragged in towards him more with every passing moment. Every moment that ticked by Kiyotaka huffed out a breath. He really wanted to...touch Mondo, but he still wasn't sure about initiating contact. He pondered over whether or not to touch him in that moment, every second becoming harder to resist. _ It always feels like...I’m asking too much, when I ask to touch him. But...he seems so happy every time I  _ do _ touch him so… _ Kiyotaka huffed, trying to hype himself up for what he was about to do.  _ Okay. here we go.  _

Kiyotaka leaned his body weight closer towards Mondo, letting his entire side rest against Mondo’s. Mondo paused briefly in his scrolling, but otherwise had no reaction. Kiyotaka felt his face flush, still unused to the contact. Unlike that time in the sauna, where the warmth was overpowering, here Mondo was radiating a blissfully warm heat. He felt Mondo’s arm shift for a moment, quickly stopping once he got comfortable. Kiyotaka squirmed a bit, worried about the lack of reaction.

“Is this-” Kiyotaka began.

“It's fine, Taka. You’re good.” Mondo turned his head towards Kiyotaka. His face was mere inches away. The glow from the tv made his eyes shine in the dim light. Kiyotaka blushed an even brighter shade of red, and in order to make sure he didn't do anything stupid, he lowered his head to rest on Mondo’s shoulder.

“...okay.” he responded softly, his lips brushing Mondo’s skin. Mondo was practically a furnace, and it was hard to not melt into the contact. They stayed like that for a bit, just sitting in silence together, when Mondo shifted his arm. Before Kiyotaka could react, he suddenly felt something in his hair.  _ Fingers  _ in his hair. 

Kiyotaka made a loud, keening noise from his throat, and then immediately lit up in embarrassment. He flung himself away from Mondo, his heart skyrocketing. “I-I’m sorry! I don't, I don't know what that was, I-”

“Taka, it’s okay.” Mondo interrupted, grabbing Kiyotaka by his shirt so he wouldn't go too far away from him. “It's fine, It's chill. But...hmm.” He hummed for a moment, his voice deep and gravely from exhaustion. “This is gonna sound weird. But...I gotta ask ya somethin that's been buggin me.”

“I...okay?” 

“You told me, in the sauna, that... no one’s hugged you for a long time, yeah?” Kiyotaka nodded, unsure of where Mondo was going. “I. Well. Do ya remember the last time someone  _ did  _ hug you? Like,  _ fully _ hug you, not just the side hugs we’ve been doin’.”

“Huh?” Kiyotaka reeled at the question. “You really want to know?”

Mondo nodded, and Kiyotaka paused to try and think of a truthful answer. He honestly couldn't remember a time in recent memory when he had been hugged, come to think of it. Sure, there were moments like that when he was a child, but it hadn't happened for years at this point. His mind felt overwhelmed at the realization.

“When...When I was six, or maybe seven. My grandfather…” Kiyotaka refused to go on. His grandfather was a sore subject after all. But he did remember his grandfather embracing him one warm summer day, leaning down to give him a full body embrace. Kiyotaka could still remember the texture of his shirt, and how he smelled like fresh paper.

“Six?! Shit!” Mondo looked shell-shocked. “Ya haven't been hugged since you were six?!”

“...I suppose so.” Kiyotaka mumbled, completely shocked at the revelation. Surely, someone must have hugged him afterwards. But he simply couldn't recall. His parents had never been touchy people, his classmates had avoided him most of his entire school life. His head started to throb in pain, and he felt his breath coming in short. He looked over at Mondo, and he couldn’t figure out his expression.

“I...I don't think...there's any time...after that…” Kiyotaka said, his voice seeming miles away. His breathing got worse, out of rhythm and shaky, and his headache had grown considerably. He didn't want to think about how he never touches anyone. Didn't want to think about how he hadn't had anyone to touch. Didn't want to think about what his touches with Mondo have meant, have been meaning. “But it's fine! It’s fine. I-I-I really don't need touch, I mean, I’ve gone this far without it so it's not like I _ need _ it, really, its-”

Mondo’s arm pulled him closer, getting Kiyotaka to face him. Kiyotaka was refusing to make eye contact, focusing solely on his hands as they trembled. Kiyotaka realised that Mondo was saying something, and he could just barely make it out over the rush in his ears.

“...Taka...Can I…” He huffed, and placed his other hand on Kiyotaka’s shoulders. “I’m gonna hug the shit out of you, like, right now. Is that okay?”

Kiyotaka’s heart raced, and his breath completely off rhythm. He nodded, faintly, and before he knew it, he was in Mondo’s arms. Kiyotaka was pulled into Mondo’s chest, Mondo’s hands resting in-between Kiyotaka’s shoulder blades. Kiyotaka felt himself practically burn up in Mondo’s grip. The urge to bolt out of his friends arms, to run away from what he felt, was almost overpowering. But Mondo held him close, keeping him from getting away. He smelled like pine and wood shavings.

In that moment, time stood still. Kiyotaka felt the warmth from Mondo completely surround him, the slow and calm breathing from him in stark contrast to Kiyotaka’s own. Kiyotaka tried to sync up his breathing with Mondo’s, tried to lift his arms to do...something, He decided on lamley putting his arms around Mondo’s middle, his breath still shaky and unsure. They sat like that for either a minute or eternity, and like the slow rise of the sun, the ache in his chest has finally abated. Kiyotaka suddenly felt tears spring to his eyes. All of those years, with no kind of physical support, had left Kiyotaka completely worn down. In that moment, he felt so bitterly and utterly alone, the years finally washing down over him. 

“I’m s-sorry...Mondo…” Kiyotaka choked out, overwhelmed with the urge to apologize to Mondo. For dealing with his issues, for his feelings. For everything. He tightened his arms around Mondo, his hands balling into Mondo’s tank top. “I’m so sorry-”

“You got nothin’ to apologize for.” Mondo grit out, his head brushing against Kiyotaka’s as he nuzzled even closer, somehow. “I got you now, okay? You’re good.”

Kiyotaka nodded, and then practically melted into his kyoudai, sobs coming out of his mouth without warning. He’d never felt more humiliated in his entire life, sitting there in the arms of his friend, unwinding and becoming undone by a simple hug. Kiyotaka cried until the tears ran dry, soaking Mondo’s white tank and feeling entirely terrible about it. 

Kiyotaka eventually cried himself out, leaning weakly against Mondo’s chest. He was completely humiliated, breaking down on his friend like that, but he did feel much better after crying it all away. The tears started to dry on his face as he leaned on Mondo, their legs somehow becoming entangled during Kiyotaka’s breakdown. Kiyotaka sniffled and just buried himself closer, unwilling to face Mondo or the reality of the situation.

Kiyotaka is pulled out of his haze by Mondo’s voice, which was at a much higher volume than before, and speaking over his head. “Chihiro, you can come out now.”

Kiyotaka heard more than saw the bathroom door open, its yellow light casting a shadow into the dark room. The light was quickly snuffed out, and he heard footsteps get closer to them. _ I completely forgot about Chihiro.  _ Kiyotaka thought, his head still firmly planted into Mondo’s shoulder.  _ They probably heard me weeping like a small child. How pathetic.  _ Kiyotaka felt his arms fall from where he was gripping Mondo, hands tightening into fists.

He hears Chihiro whisper over him. “Is he...okay?”

“I dunno,  _ are _ you okay, bro?” Mondo aimed the question to Kiyotaka. Kiyotaka abruptly felt like a child being coddled too. He nodded and tried to push away, but Mondo’s arms held him firm. 

“Wait a sec.” Mondo mumbled into his ear before turning back to Chihiro. “Yo. You wanna get in on this sick hug?”

Kiyotaka can hear the smile in Chihiro’s voice. “Yes! Of course!” They maneuver around to be on Kiyotaka’s side, where his head is resting on Mondo’s shoulder. “You cool with me joining, Taka?”

Kiyotaka nodded, distantly, too exhausted to really express his thankfulness in words. Chihiro wrapped their thin arms around the two of them, trying to cuddle up to the both of them equally. Mondo moved his arms to fully get Chihiro into the newly formed group hug.  _ Chihiro smells like green tea,  _ Kiyotaka noted distantly, their hair brushing up against Kiyotaka’s cheek.

Kiyotaka suddenly felt embarrassed again. “I’m sorry, you don't have-”

“Don't you dare say I don't have to.” Chihiro piped up. “I want to. You’re my friend, Taka.”

“Yeah. And you’ll always be my kyoudai, huh?” Mondo asked. “It's real shitty that you never got this a lot, before. But...you know. It’s up to us to make sure you get all the hugs you missed out on. Right Chihiro?”

“Right.” Kiyotaka felt more than saw Chihiro nod, they’re so close. More tears started to well up at that statement, and Kiyotaka burrowed his head back into Mondo’s shoulder to ward them off. 

“Th-Thank…you. I-”

“Shh.” Chihiro put a finger to his lips.

“We got you dude.” Mondo whispered.

They sat like that for what felt like hours, finding peace in the comfort of each other. Every shudder and shiver from Kiyotaka was reassured with more pressure from one of the other two. Eventually, the TV entered rest mode, and the three of them were plunged into darkness. Kiyotaka, who was exhausted both at the late hour and crying his eyes out, fell asleep quickly, made warm by the embrace of his two most treasured friends. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -This is the most tender yearning shit I have ever written. Full stop. What the fuck  
> -Chapter 3 may take a bit longer lol, but she is on her way ;)  
> 


	3. It strangles me tightly, 'til I could throw up, whenever no one's around.

He woke up the next morning entangled between the two, his body feeling light and warm. He opened his crusty eyes, blinking rapidly to try and find out where he was. The memories of last night came flooding back, and Kiyotaka internally cringed at his previous show of emotions. He lifted his head, looking around the room. During the night, they must’ve gotten under the covers. His limbs were completely tangled between his two friends, Chihiro on his right and Mondo on his left. Morning light was filtering through the windows, the dust particles catching in the light. He was currently on his back, staring up at the popcorn ceiling and feeling light as air. The ache that Kiyotaka had never noticed was finally gone, if only for a moment. He shifted, coming face to face with Mondo, who was wide awake. Kiyotaka blushed and lurched back as much as he could while still being trapped by the limbs of his two friends.

“Hey.” Mondo had a sardonic smile aimed at his kyoudai. His voice was insanely low, and it caused Kiyotaka to blush even brighter.

“Hi. Mondo.” Kiyotaka muttered, shifting a bit. “Um. What time is it?”

Mondo yawned and brought his hand up to rub at his eye. “‘Bout ten.” 

“Mm.”

“Do you...wanna talk about it?”

“Talk about what?”

“You crying like that last night.” 

Kiyotaka flinched, and hid his face by burying it into Mondo’s shoulder. “What is there to talk about?”

“Hmph. Just…” Mondo gripped him tighter with the arm that was already around him. “You’re cool with me and Chihiro huggin’ you more? Cause like...its fucked up that-”

“Language-”

“It's _ effed _ up that you aren't used to this. Seriously. So, I wanna make sure you’re still cool with us doin’ this more often.”

Kiyotaka chuckled. “I’ve already let you hug me this much, kyoudai. Of course I’m okay with it.”

“Good, because I’m going to be huggin the shit out of you from now on.” 

“ _ Mondo- _ ”

Suddenly there was a movement next to Kiyotaka, and then the two boys were abruptly hit with a pillow. Kiyotaka squawked in surprise as Chihiro’s one arm kept hitting the two of them with the soft pillow.

“It's too early for emotions! Sleep now.” Their voice croaked out, clearly still half-asleep.

“Okay, Okay! Cool it with the pillow.” Mondo caught the next swing of the pillow and grabbed it, throwing it half across the room and causing a clattering noise to echo through the room.

“Mmm, if you hit my figurines, you’re paying for them.” Chihiro muttered, then turned over and pulled more covers on top of them. They scooted closer to Kiyotaka, and the warmth at his back felt blissful. Kiyotaka sighed, and moved to get up, unwilling to let himself be tempted.

“Alright people, let's start our day. We have already slept in so late! If we move now we can be productive with our time and-”

Both Mondo and Chihiro squeezed Kiyotaka tighter to cut him off, causing him to wince at the sudden pressure. 

“No. Cuddle time.”

“But-”

“Chihiro’s right. We ain't doin’ shit today.”

Kiyotaka was entirely stuck between his two friends, and no matter which way he pulled, he couldn't get his limbs free. He sighed, figuring it was two against one and he already lost the fight. He leaned back, and gave in to the embrace, lying with them well into the afternoon.

* * *

After that, it only was a matter of time before Kiyotaka knew he had to confess his feelings. 

Mondo was hugging him practically all the time now, not just when they were alone, but also around other people. He would come up next to him, and hug him as a greeting. It was becoming so regular that Kiyotaka almost expected it whenever he saw him. One particular moment that stood out was the day when Mondo got a test grade back and managed to get a good score due to studying with Kiyotaka. When he saw the 88/100 score, he rushed to Kiyotaka and hugged him so hard Mondo lifted him off the ground, making Kiyotaka see stars. Overall, Kiyotaka actually felt used to the touch of another now, and even though there are a few things he hasn't tried yet (he still hadn't let Mondo put his hands through his hair after that night) he actually felt like the contact with Mondo was improving his life.

Chihiro hugged Kiyotaka as well, but for some reason Kiyotaka couldn't get Mondo’s touches specifically off of his mind. Kiyotaka tried to rationalize why he felt this way about Mondo and not Chihiro. Mondo was a walking furnace, and Chihiro was a walking freezer. Mondo was taller, able to wrap Kiyotaka fully into his arms. Mondo was stronger, he could lift Kiyotaka up when they hugged. But no matter how many excuses he came up with, he knew he was just avoiding the absolute truth.

Mondo was handsome, ridiculously so. His chiseled face, his strong arms, his low voice. Everything about him was mesmerizing. Kiyotaka often studied his kyoudai from afar, watching him during class or lunch breaks, just staring at him and noticing the small things about him that drew him in closer. His eyeliner, the bridge of his nose, his rough knuckles. And the freeing thing for Kiyotaka was that he was actually allowed to touch these things. He was totally allowed to stroke his hand along Mondo’s arms, to gingerly touch his wrist or the bare skin of his neck. He usually only indulged when no one else was around, so no one else could see him feeling Mondo in this way. And Mondo never questioned the places he would touch. He was usually just happy Kiyotaka decided to take initiative and touch him at all.

Kiyotaka knew he was attracted to Mondo, but he wasn't entirely sure how to go about saying that to Mondo in a casual way. He knew he wasn't supposed to be attracted to his kyoudai. He never found himself attracted to women, much to the chagrin of his father. He knew he was gay from a young age, but was never comfortable enough to say it to  _ anyone _ . He saw what happened to other kids when they discussed that part about themselves so freely. Telling his most trusted friend that he was gay, that he had a crush on him? It was unthinkable. Kiyotaka already felt intensely blessed to have Mondo as a friend at all. Throwing all of that away over a crush would ruin him. Plus, the touches would probably stop. And Kiyotaka had really come to rely on those touches more and more. If he had to go back to no touches at all, back to the solitude he maintained before...he wasn't sure he could handle that.

So he shuts up, buries his head in the sand, and shoves his feelings down. He pines for his best friend from afar, while also getting lots of hugs for him, and everything was fine. It was all fine.

It probably would’ve stayed that way if it weren't for Kyouko Kirigiri.

* * *

Because Mondo and Kiyotaka were friends with Naegi, they started to see lots more of Kyouko Kirigiri. Somehow the lucky student had managed to get the proverbial ice queen on his side, and she followed him places all the time. A silent guardian, not saying much and keeping to herself, but still willing to be around people. Kiyotaka didn't mind Kyouko at all, unlike others in his class. Sure, she was quiet, but so was he before he entered middle school. He figured she probably was growing out of a shy phase, and that she was trying to get out of her shell. Overall, when she did speak, Kiyotaka found her pleasant enough.

At least, before she dropped a bombshell on his life. 

It was lunch period, early spring, when Makoto joined their group for lunch, Kyouko in tow. She sat down next to the lucky student, picking at the salad sitting in front of her, and no one really paid her any mind. This wasn't the first time Makoto joined Kiyotaka and Mondo for lunch, so it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. Just another day in the endless machine of high school.

That is, until Mondo slung an arm around Kiyotaka per usual, and Kyouko got a strange look on her face. She raised her head from her food, and stared at Mondo and Kiyotaka for a long while. Kiyotaka felt a bit unnerved by her gaze, and turned to face her. She looked puzzled, as if she was trying to figure something out. 

“Something on your mind, Kirigiri?” Kiyotaka asked as she continued to stare at him.

“Mmm.” She responded, and paused for a moment. Makoto gave her a nudge, and she looked peeved for a second before sighing. “It’s come to my attention that you two recently got together. So, I wanted to say congratulations.”

“Got together?” Kiyotaka asked. “What do you mean?”

Kyouko gave him a dead eyed stare. “You are romantic partners.”

Kiyotaka and Mondo stared in shock, and an abrupt silence came over the table.

“What! No, no,” Kiyotaka stuttered out, his face practically a tomato. “Me and Mondo...we…”

“We’re not datin’.” Mondo ground out, his face also a bright red.

Leon huffed. “Cut the act, man. You two have been acting super close. We’d have to be stupid not to figure it out.”

“Yeah, besides, we wouldn’t judge you or anything if you  _ were  _ dating,” Chihiro said. “You guys are really cute together!”

“Shut the hell up, assholes.” Mondo said without any bite to it. “We are not dating. We never have been.”

“Wait, seriously?” Yasuhiro sat up in his chair. “That's weird, then. One of my predictions said you would, so I figured _ that  _ was the one that was right. But if not...huh...”

Mondo gave a frustrated sigh. “Me and Kiyotaka aren't dating!” he repeated

“But what about-”

The rest of the table continued to argue, and Kiyotaka felt his face grow hotter and hotter. All of his friends had caught on. It was obvious to anyone with eyes that he was head over heels for his best friend. All of his efforts to hide how he felt were in vain, they all knew he was in love with Mondo. Mondo probably knew it too, and he was just pretending to be oblivious for Kiyotaka’s sake. Kiyotaka’s breath started to come out uneven as his thoughts spiraled, the heat on his face making him dizzy. His mind just kept screaming at him that they all  _ knew _ . They knew his secrets, his desires. They knew, and they did nothing to stop it, didn't say anything, and just let him embarrass himself further.  _ Theyknewtheyknewtheyknewthey- _

“Kiyotaka?” Kyouko asked, snapping Kiyotaka out of his thoughts. Everyone at the table was staring at him.

“You okay?” Chihiro gave him a pitying look, making his stomach sink further.

“I…” Kiyotaka stood up out of his chair, feeling like a puppet with the strings cut. “I need to go.” He practically sprinted out of the lunchroom, his heart beating a thousand miles a minute. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -lol despite having time to work on this, it still feels rushed. Oh whale.  
> -platonic naps are. so important. send tweet.  
> -thank you all for waiting, chap 4 might take some time but I promise the next chapter is the last one.  
> -sorry for the cliffhanger lol :^)


	4. Don’t get angry. Don’t abandon me. Don’t go anywhere.

Kiyotaka found himself speed walking the halls, heart hammering in his chest. He could barely hear the world around him, the blood rushing in his ears, heightening the panic. He didn't really know _ why _ he ran persay, but. Hearing Mondo reject what Kiyotaka had been hoping for, after all this time...it was too much to bear, really. He had to get out of there, to clear his head and hopefully wipe the expression off of his face before he saw Mondo again.

Despite the rush in his ears, however, he was still able to hear footsteps chasing after him. “Taka, wait!” It was undoubtedly Mondo’s voice. _ I can't face him, not yet! _ His mind screamed at him. Kiyotaka’s breathing quickened, and he tried to pick up his pace. But before he could get any further, a hard, iron grip wrapped around his wrist. Kiyotaka stopped dead, his heart skipping a beat as he felt his very bones grind underneath the grip. He refused to look behind him, eyes pointed at the floor and his face turned away. He could hear Mondo’s breath catch.

“What the fuck? Why’d you leave?” Mondo asked, pulling Kiyotaka closer. “Did...Did hearing that really-”

Kiyotaka felt suddenly aware of how exposed they both were, in this hallway. He could see people milling around in the distance, and he knew he couldn't let anyone overhear this conversation. “Not here,” Kiyotaka said, dragging Mondo who was still gripping his wrist. Kiyotaka didn't want to make eye-contact with the other boy, knowing that if he did he wouldn't be able to look away. He dragged Mondo into a storage closet, the darkened room only lit by the slats in the door. There was just enough space for the two of them, the rest of the closet being filled with cleaning supplies and other items. 

The two were finally facing each other, but Kiyotaka held his gaze towards the ground. “I. I’m sorry for running, Mondo. You don't need to worry about me.”

“Are ya kidding? Of course I need to worry about you.” Mondo shook his head. “Are you okay? You ran out of there so fricken’ fast, I thought that…”

“I’m okay…” Kiyotaka practically whispered. There's a pause, and Kiyotaka sees Mondo’s arm move out of the corner of his eye. His hand comes up to meet Kiyotaka’s cheek, lifting his head to get him to look at the other. 

“Are you?” 

Kiyotaka felt his lip tremble as he finally looked at his kyoudai face to face. He shut his eyes and shook his head, not wanting to show any more emotion than he already had. “I’m sorry, Mondo.”

“Tch, what for?”

“For everything!” Kiyotaka cried out. “For using you! For making you hug me! For being weird about touch in the first place! You’ve done so much for me, including being my own personal teddy bear, and I haven't been able to return a single thing!!! It's not fair to you…” Kiyotaka buried his hands into his face. “And now, people think we’re  _ together _ because of my stupid thing about touching people! Your reputation is going to go down, your image will be  _ ruined _ because of me, and it's all my fault-”

Mondo placed his thumb over Kiyotaka’s mouth, shutting him up instantly. “Taka, you…” he sighed. “Don’t worry about my image okay? You didn't use me, and you didn't force me into anything. I wanted to help you.” He licked his lips, and Kiyotaka’s eyes pin-pointed on the movement. “Hugging you was never a chore, or a burden, you know. You’re helping me as much as I’m helping you.”

“What...what do you mean?”

“Well, I mean…” A blush started to spread on Mondo’s face. “I haven't gotten this many hugs since I’ve been home, with my bro. So. It's fuckin...nice, being able to hug you whenever.”

“But...people are going to  _ talk _ ,” Kiyotaka repeated. “They already think we’re dating! If we don't stop, people might find out that-”

“Find out what?” Mondo cut him off, his tone sharp.

Kiyotaka stared into Mondo’s eyes, heart jack-rabbiting in his chest. _ It's now or never,  _ he thought, staring at his kyoudai in that small closet room.  _ This is where I lose him. _

“Find out how I feel. About you.” Kiyotaka whispered, the phrase leaving him in a breath. There's a terrible pause, one that goes on for far too long. Mondo’s eyes widened and he just stared at Kiyotaka, mouth half-open. 

“...You….I….” Mondo stuttered, face growing redder.

“I’m sorry.” Kiyotaka says in a rush. “But I. I feel things for you, things I shouldn't. I dunno if it's because you hug me so much, or because of something else. But I...I  _ want  _ to be with you! If people find that out, if people know how much I care, then-”

Kiyotaka is suddenly cut off by Mondo grabbing him by the collar and kissing him.

Kiyotaka gives a _ ‘mmph’ _ of surprise, his lips meeting Mondo’s in a rush. It's soft but forceful, as if Mondo is giving his all while trying not to hurt Kiyotaka. He’s never been kissed before, not like this, and he relished in the new sensation. Just as quickly as they started, they stop, Mondo pulling away just barely. Their breaths mingled together, and Kiyotaka breathed in Mondo’s hot air. 

“I also want to be with you.” Mondo said. “Have for a while.”

“I...Mondo…” Kiyotaka feels tears spring to his eyes. “ _ Please _ do that again.”

Mondo gave a shark-toothed grin and leaned back in, his mouth on Kiyotaka’s in an instant. Kiyotaka moved his arms, finally, and placed them gently around Mondo’s neck, circling his throat. He could feel Mondo’s pulse, just as frantic as his own, underneath his fingers. Mondo’s hands shifted to bury in Kiyotaka’s hair, and he gave a breathy groan in response. The hands in his hair felt like bliss, like heaven. The way they kneaded his scalp was mesmerizing. That combined with the lips on his drew Kiyotaka wild. He felt Mondo’s tongue brush against his lip, and Kiyotaka gave a full body shudder. 

He is the one to pull away this time, cutting himself off before he can get too carried away. They both stare at each other dumbly for a moment, leaning on each other’s foreheads and just staring at each other. 

“So. uh.” Mondo starts, blush creeping down his neck. “Dya mean all that stuff? That you...want to...date me, and shit.”

“Language.” Kiyotaka whispered, and Mondo giggled in response. 

“You’re such a fuckin dork,” Mondo said, sounding found. “I can't believe I have a crush on you, you nerd.”

“Mondo!” Kiyotaka flushed. 

“But seriously, dya want to...”

Kiyotaka smiled at Mondo’s awkwardness. “Yeah. Yes, I. I do.” He says breathlessly.

Both of them are blushing head to toe, half-into each other's arms, when the bell rings. Kiyotaka and Mondo straighten, shocked out of the moment. 

“...We should get to class.”

“I feel like this is a bit more important than class,” Mondo started, inching closer yet again.

“ _ No _ , Mondo,” Kiyotaka pulled himself out of Mondo’s arms, regretful for the lack of warmth. “Class is very important! I can’t just skip because I feel like it!”

“Not even for me?” Mondo said, voice full of snark.

Kiyotaka sighed, inched forward and gave Mondo a small peck on the cheek. He immediately pulled away, suddenly shy from initiating such bold contact. “E-Even for you.”

“Alright,” Despite his disappointed tone, Mondo had a dopey smile on his face. He twists the handle on the door and opens it slightly. “After you.”

The sudden light makes Kiyotaka realize what a mess they both look. Kiyotaka’s hair is all messed up from Mondo’s hands running through it, and both of their clothes are rumpled. Flushes decorated both of their faces, and they looked altogether debauched. Kiyotaka flushed even further and tried his best to run his hands through his hair, trying to get it into a professional state before opening the door further. Mondo peaked out the door.

“Coast looks clear,” he said, turning back to Kiyotaka. “Ready?”

“Yeah…” Kiyotaka sighed, and opened the door fully. True to Mondo’s word, no one is in the hallway, everyone already in class waiting for lessons to start. Kiyotaka huffed and went to attend his hall monitor duties, walking a few steps away before Mondo cleared his throat and stopped him in his tracks.

“So. Wanna meet at my place after class?”

Kiyotaka straightened, not looking back at the other boy. “Depends. Does this mean we’re...boyfriends now?”

“Uh. Y-yeah. If-If you want?”

“Yeah,” Kiyotaka turned back to see Mondo looking down, looking as awkward as Kiyotaka felt for asking that question. “Cool.”

“Cool.”

“I’ll see you then?”

Mondo’s face burst into a genuine smile. “Yeah. Yeah, I’ll see you then.”

Kiyotaka nodded and made his way down the hallway, his heart bursting from happiness and refusing to look back and Mondo. Because he knows if he does, he is just going to want to run back to him and never, ever let go. 

* * *

Not much really changed, after that.

Most everyone had assumed that they were already dating, so when they did end up making it official by being more affectionate in public, no one really batted an eye. Kiyotaka still wasn't entirely used to grand gestures in front of others; When Mondo would spontaneously take his hand, his thumb tracing patterns onto Kiyotaka’s skin. When he would abruptly kiss Kiyotaka at lunch, right in front of everyone, causing Kiyotaka to blush like crazy. But little by little, he started to get used to it. 

He was also, finally, getting used to touching others. Sure, none of them felt exactly like Mondo’s touch did, but now he was finally able to shake hands with someone without feeling the touch for hours afterward. He didn't flinch away from friendly shoulder pats or high fives. He was showing real improvement, now. All thanks to Mondo, really.

They tried to take their relationship slow. But it was hard, especially because they were practically attached by the hip most of the time. They did all of the normal couple things, going on dates, staying over in each other's rooms, all the normal couple things. But they were definitely more touchy than other couples. Mondo would kiss him as a greeting, snake his arm around Kiyotaka’s waist whenever he could, and often ran his fingers through Kiyotaka’s hair. And Kiyotaka loved every minute of it. When Kiyotaka went on a motorcycle ride with Mondo for the first time, half of him was  _ screaming _ from the danger of it, but half of him was basking in the feeling of holding Mondo close from behind as his passenger. His arms wrapped around his middle just so, and he loved the feeling of holding on for dear life as Mondo drove through the streets on his bike. 

When Kiyotaka went to sleep, he often dragged Mondo with him. Not to  _ do  _ anything persay, just to sleep. Ever since that night at Chihiro’s, Kiyotaka had really wanted to sleep next to someone again. He spent nights afterward in bed, hugging himself in a vain attempt to feel that way, the way he felt that night. So, now that he and Mondo were exclusive, he could finally sleep next to someone again, without them making it weird or like it was a burden. And since it wasn't a rule for two boys to sleep in a room together, they would be in each other's rooms almost constantly, sleeping side by side and basking in each other's body heat. 

And when Mondo would shift in his sleep, wrap his arms around Kiyotaka and pull him close, Kiyotaka finally felt the hole in his chest fill and the loneliness slowly drift away. He felt like he was finally free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -this is fuckin. corny. and bad. and awkward on purpose. but it is finished and that's what matters  
> -fun fact I like to write my fanfics in my zoom classes and DEADASS when I was writing this in class we got into a discussion about fanfiction and ppl were like ‘oh yeah only 30 year old wine moms read fic’ and I was like ‘I GOTTA STAND UP FOR MYSELF’ and I went into a whole lecture about fic culture. I feel so bad for my classmates I am the bane of their existence.   
> -I already put my [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/van-goghs-cypress) here, but I might as well link it again at the end. I post memes mostly but if you want to send me asks or somethin here ya go.  
> -Shoutout to Mare and Jude for awakening my fanfic brain. Also shoutout to GauntletKnight who I am now mutuals with on tumblr and whose fic partially inspired this one. Also shout out to Kat bc I love her mwah mwah.   
> -if you enjoyed please leave me a comment or kudos! I promise I check every single one and they make me :)  
> -stay safe and wash ur hands, gamers.

**Author's Note:**

> .


End file.
